I'm officially stuck in Singapore till school reopens. Previously, I had the chance to have a short getaway to KL, to really be away from all these, from the haunting thoughts, the stupid decisions and the multiple personalities belonging to me (which have been growing in numbers lately). However, since my dad met with an accident while cycling and broke his arm, I can just forget about it. But what's most important is that Dad's alright, actually more than alright (:
His stay in the hospital was more like a vacation for him so to speak, having countless visitors everyday, and hamper and hamper coming to our house. it was more like his job to entertain his friends there. But it's good that he's taking it well ^^

So much, no, actually, too much has been happening lately. When I turn in every direction, something hits. I just pray everyday to get by one day at a time and hopefully everything will be over soon.
It's truly amazing looking at a human's treshold of pain and how it gets higher everytime we are forced to deal with something. But I just wonder whether it's like some sort of balloon or something, that it will burst on the day we can no longer tolerate and take it in.

There's so much more to see, learn and experience, I know. But looking at what I've seen at age 18, I'm not so sure I'm game for the years, not to mention months to come.. not that I've seen a lot though.

The only trick I've picked up is to live and feed on all the happy memories you can possibly have and remember. Look through journals, photos, anything that reminds you that you're blessed and happier than someone else. Revisit the places you went and felt whole, listen to the songs that you shared with someone who was and maybe still is special, sit at the couch for hours and replay movies that made you laugh and cry and eat all the food in the world that makes you feel the warmth that you had with the people you ate it with before.

At the end of the day, when I feel lost and alone, I know that there's my Jesus (:
And the memories I had serves as a reminder that I can be happy. When I let myself be.

Maybe I made the wrong decision. Then again, maybe I'm just reminiscing. I don't wish for anything else but for myself to be me again. All this hurt, confusion, this pain, i want it to all go away.

If you fall for me, I'm not easy to please
I might tear you apart, told you right from the start
I'm only gonna break, break your, break, break your heart

I'm not what they make me out to be. I'm not perfect or flawless. I'm not totally sure of what I need and what I want. I can't quite differentiate between what can last and what cannot.
& this is why I hurt myself and hurt others. This is why I create trouble for myself and give problems to others.
When it comes to matters of the heart, I'm no expert.
When it comes to matters of the heart, I'm a fool.
When it comes to matters of the heart,I know that it isn't all about two people falling in love.

No matter how hard you wanna be free, make choices in the moment, love like you've never been hurt before, it's never gonna be possible. Because life's like that. At the end of the day, we have to have plans, goals and expectations, which might stop us from doing things for love and love itself.

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

I don't know if i should just leave this journal altogether. Readers and no readers, it doesn't make a difference. 
But on the other hand, this journal holds far too many memories for me to just let it go.

Within a short span of time, so many people came into my life, so many left. All for different reasons. I guess what matters it's not about worrying about the time each will leave and doing everything I can to keep them but to just live in the moment, be there for each when I can and let them go when they are meant to leave.

But with some people, they never leave and I'm grateful for the few. For they are the ones who mend when I break, smile when I'm happy and cry when I'm sad.

Too many things have been happening, and I dare say that this is the most eventful part of my life so far & i'm really not sure what to expect because the bunch of experiences and memories i just collected are mixed good and bad.

I'll just pray and pray that everyday I'll be happy. and I'll pray that for everyone else too.

''

YAY YAY see yall friday misssssss yalll ^^ ^^

Na and FM all da best for N's Last few paperrrr gogogo

I DID NOT LIKE 4BIA 2. IT WASN'T GOOD COMPARED TO THE FIRST ONE.
I STILL WNA WATCH JENNIFER'S BODY.

I am a sad sad sad girl because the only pair of onitsukas that are my size is a display set. And the difference between the right and the left one is just too obvious, that just means, NO ONITSUKAS.
NOT HAPPY.

I am so sleepy but i can't sleep because i'm so lazy to bathe ahhh. I'm such a fatty :( I'm such a pig :( I'm such a bum :(
I love lazing around doing nth and look at stuff online and i don't wna get my ass off the computer :O 
I want someone to sponsor for my shopping :(

Dee, we look too cute. Nah I kid. I miss those times. Carefree and full of nonsense and NO UNEVEN SKIN COLOUR. DAMN.


Van, I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shooting stars can never be this bright, do you know that you will always be my light.

Training three days in a row. It's gonna be like this for a good 3 years.. or so i think.
Bod aching, muscles tightening and bulging, uneven tanlines everywhere. Oh well, passion drives you.
First game playing with pirates this sat. A whole new team to work and communicate with, hope it'll be a good experience. I will try my best. Sucks to know when you screw up. Feels like everyone throws daggers at you, just a feeling, just maybeee.


I like the number 7.

I just woke up and strangely I feel alright.
I usually get even more lethargic and get larger eye bags if i wake up after 12. Weird I know.
That's why I can't really sleep in :/
But oh well, that means today is a goooood day.
Gna spend my afternoon with my parents ^^
I wanna make sure I have time with them so they feel important and cherished. After everything I've heard about and seen around, I tihnk it's super duper compulsory to do that.

Everyone should sometimes remind their parents that they aren't forgotten. Whee.



And these are some awesome onitsukas. Still contemplatinggggg.

I AM AWFULLY HUNGRY.